It's in the Stars

The following is an article that I submitted to theonion.com

The Onion is a make-believe news organization that produces humorous news stories.

Thoughts???

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The state of Utah hadn't claimed a championship since Real Salt Lake won the Major League Soccer title on November 22, 2009.

Well, the wait is over.

On November 24, 2009 Donny Osmond became the 9th champion of the popular television show 'Dancing With the Stars.'

"We had all been craving a title since Real beat Beckham and his boys over 48 hours ago," said Utah Governor Gary Herbert. "The euphoria wore off and we needed something to get us back on that cloud, and thanks to Donny we're back."

Utah had witnessed hundreds of champions crowned in other states over the last 38 years since the Utah Stars won the ABA title, but Real stopped that drought by beating the L.A. Galaxy 5-4.

Utah was in a two-day party-state that had some saying it was the "Mardi Gras of the West." Fans celebrated by showering the team in hugs, confetti and photos, but it was short lived.

"I hadn't been asked for a photo in a couple months and all of the sudden everybody knows who I am," said Real midfielder Kyle Beckerman. "We were getting a lot of love for a couple days there, parades, free dinners but now, it's back to how it used to be. It's sad and it's all thanks to that Osmond."

Osmond, a Utah native, helped put family bands on the map back in the 1960's when his pearly whites lit up the Salt Lake skies. Osmond is a trained performer but nobody ever thought he could maneuver his way to the mirror ball.

"Ya know, this win can be blamed on three things: luck, hairspray and ultra-ruva bulbs," said Kelly Osborne, a runner-up to Osmond. "Donny is just so damned cute that the judges couldn't tell him no."

Whether it's luck or just pure skill Osmond has made Utah champions three times over and he thinks he has the secret as to why.

"This may sound funny but for Utah to win, it has to be in the stars and I'm thrilled to be a part of it," exclaimed Osmond. "First the Utah Stars, then Real beats the Galaxy and I win Dancing with the Stars. I'm just saying."

As far as Utah is concerned let's hope it doesn't take two days for their next champion to be crowned.